Sleeping and Toddlers

There is a reason why moms are always trying to plan around toddlers nap time or bed time. If these little monsters don’t get their beauty sleep, the crankiness creeps in and our whole schedule is thrown off for the day or night. If it can be avoided (skipping a nap, pushing bedtime, etc), it will be ! Rest for your toddler means better rest for mommy (or daddy) and better moods all around!

Hitting those nap times makes such a difference. You can tell sometimes when you pushed it too far or too early. Look for those sleepy cues your toddler is getting tired like starting to zone out, rub their eyes, yawn, get cranky…and then when you see those cues, don’t wait too long to get them to bed.

Those nap times are needed for both parent & toddler. You both have that time to decompress, you can get stuff done, set up for the rest of the day etc. However, you are going to have to also get used to that fact that you are not always going to get it right and you just have to accept that some days wont be productive. Or sometimes things come up where you have to disrupt the schedule for the day and that’s okay too!

We as moms become so obsessed with sleep schedules since it affects their moods so much and ours as well. If they sleep well, you know it will be a good day! Think about when you get tired and don’t have your morning coffee.

Even if they skip nap time and have some quiet time, it can make some difference so you rest for 30min or get some of what you wanted to get done and they have some reset time. Some days you just can’t win. They get overtired, they get not tired enough, but then cranky later, they get too short of a nap or get waken up - the list never ends !

Sometimes you saw the sleep cue, you thought you had more time to finish up what you were doing - and you get to full meltdown mode - or all of a sudden they get a second wind and don’t want to go to bed . And you kick yourself after like ‘why didn’t I just follow my gut?’. This is also why we get so mad at our spouses when they at times don’t do it the way we want it done or on the right schedule. Sometimes we just have to realize too that no mater what you do - sometimes they just don’t want to sleep ?!?!?!

Skipped a nap

My favourite fell asleep in the car photo!

Common sleep regressions during the toddler phase are at : 12 month, 18 month, 24 month mark

At least they are a bit more spread out this time around !

I feel these regressions tend to affect the nap schedule, but that’s not always necessarily the case. Whatever sleep it does affect, you may have to re sleep train (depending on your method) for a couple days during a sleep regression. Just make sure they are not teething (molars) or sick.

If they are getting some seeration anxiety about you leaving the room, let them know that you are there (they do understand a lot more than they let on), but try not to alter the bedtime routine too much. You can simply give them an extra hug, stay behind for another song and soothing sound , rub their back for a minute. If you do change the routine by adding things like rocking, lying down with them or staying much longer than normal with them consistently - it will just make the sleep regression last longer.

Know that in a sleep regression they are learning some new vital skills and this is just a part of them growing and developing. Follow this link to learn more about regressions.

Toddlers are learning so much at this age and also so much more active. That’s what makes those naps so important for them to be able to function normally. And of course they will be able to function just not well. AT this age, they will let you know when they are cranky and full out tantrums or neediness is not out of the question when this happens. And when they are thrown off for the day, it can throw you off as well! You are not alone!

These toddlers will sometimes fight their nap only to be super tired and crying by 4pm. They will sometimes fall asleep in the car even if it’s not necessarily nap time yet. And even though they only fell asleep for 5 minutes -> it throws off the ENTIRE sleep schedule for the day. They feel rested - even though they are definitely not! And you will see the consequences of that later on!

If they do fall asleep in the car, you do have a few options you can choose from:

Let them keep sleeping in the car -> you may have to keep moving or car running to keep them asleep depending on your child. A portable sound machine can help
Attempt to transfer them to the crib. This is much harder I find with toddlers compared to babies. And it’s trickier if room is not ready (blinds closed etc), but it is possible to make it work if they are in a deep enough sleep. Just try not to undress them much- just shoes is fine. I feel bedtime transfer is a bit easier with the car especially if you are prepared and already have them ready for bed (i.e. drank their milk and in pjs).
Keep baby awake! Of course this doesn’t work if they are already asleep. But if you are close to nap time and you are worried they will fall asleep, have stuff to keep them awake. YouTube kids does wonders! Or if you are against TV - keep feeding them snacks. Or if you are desperate, keep poking them or shaking when they start to doze off. They may not be too happy about that one!

If you can work around your toddler’s nap and sleep schedule than do it! It’s makes life easier for you and you will bring a happy toddler with you. But realistically you can’t do that all the time and it’s okay for your toddler to gain some flexibility in their routine. If you do need to shorten or skip nap adjust their bedtime accordingly. Don’t think that keeping them up later to tire them out for sure will help - it will just make them overtired and have a second wind and not want to go to bed. Earlier bedtime just means for downtime for you in the evening (basically what you missed during nap time). If you know you are going to be out late past toddler’s bedtime be more prepared. If they are napping well, let them sleep a bit longer that day. Bring some pjs and bedtime milk with you (or any other bedtime routines) so you can do it while you are out and if you need to transfer them to bed they are ready. Let them have a little downtime later in the evening or some TV since you know they will be tired. It’s not this happens every night. And at some point you do have to accomodate for your toddler. Be realistic in your expectations. He won’t be happy staying up 3-4h later. But pushing an hour or two might be okay especially if they had a good nap!

ZZZZZZZ….

Holding tight to their stuffy!

Also be careful not to run nap time too late otherwise they won’t want to go to bed at bedtime. I know there is that saying ‘never wake a sleeping baby’ -but your toddler is not a baby anymore and it’s okay to keep somewhat of a schedule. And if you do end up running the nap late because sometimes life happens - expect to put them down later for bed time. Here is a good link for sleep schedules.

If you find your toddler is not sleepy for bedtime or nap time try to get them outside. Get some fresh air and maybe some movement helps. These little beings have lots of energy and their need to release it starts to increase the more mobile they get. If it’s raining, get creative. Do some activities like mentioned in previous post to tire out their working minds. Walk up and down the stairs. Throw the ball with them and get them to fetch it. Get an indoor toddler trampoline! Whatever works and they enjoy in the process!

If you find them consistently not wanting to go to bed (not overlapping with illness, regression or teething) try to shorten nap first then maybe get rid of it - will they be tired early evening..yes, but you make for an earlier bedtime and can maybe push that bedtime later once they get used to it. It does sucks to loose that time during the day, but if they get to bed at a decent time you can have some downtime for yourself or get some things done etc. And there is always TV if desperate or siblings to play with (if possible).

Drop 2 ->1 nap: 12-18 months

Drop 1 nap: 2.5-3.5 years old

Toddlers of course can get cranky later on in the day if they skip their nap or have it shortened. When this happens, try to reset them. Don’t overstimulate them. Sometimes they just need a long hug or a good cuddle in bed. Or a book in a quiet room. Or play in their cribs on their own. A snack?! Maybe a stroller walk or bike ride for them to sit and take in the fresh air. Or a short cat nap in the car. Maybe some screen time so they will rest their bodies.

Remember they are human beings and they won’t always be on perfect schedule and you can’t expect them to be - even though it can be frustrating at times. Just adjust the schedule to what they need that day. Later bedtime, earlier bedtime, cat nap in the car or stroller walk. Whatever it is!