0 >1 vs 1 > 2 Jump
By now, you may have been thinking about having another baby…
Or maybe not?!
You may always have wanted more than one child. Or maybe you have changed your mind since having one, happy with just sticking with the one.
Maybe you started off having one and now are thinking that you want to expand your family and you are missing that baby phase.
Or maybe it’s always been just ‘the one and done’!?
Whether or not you are thinking of expanding your family, going from zero kids to one kid, one kid to two and even two to three, can be their own differing journeys in themselves. I feel every parent has their own personal experience of going through all these ‘jumps’ and the timing can also be a huge factor in how varying the experience can be. That’s why people try to ‘family plan’ although it always doesn’t go ‘according to plan’. Our first happened without trying, second within the second month and the third took a whole year…on the verge of calling it quits! There is only so much you can really plan for and honestly it’s never really an ideal time to have a baby. Hopefully this post may help in preparing you for whatever decision you do end up making!
0 >1
You have to start with the beginning!
This is always going to be a big jump! Since you have absolutely no idea what to expect. You are going from thinking about yourself to now thinking of someone else ALWAYS before you. Much different from a marriage when your significant other is a grown adult…debatable ;) You are essentially going from a selfish existence (as is your right!) to involving this little one in all your plans.
Having one child is a Lifestyle Change.
Even if you have had some exposure around babies with other family members or friends, it is still a whole other world from watching babies temporarily and handing them back to their parent, to always having to watch your own child and raise them yourself. And if you have had zero to little exposure…well then good luck to you! I’m just joking, this was me! And I made it out in one piece- relatively speaking.
People always ask me ‘how do you do it’ ?!!?! And I never know how to answer…You just adapt, there is no option. Mistakes will be made, but such is life!
This zero to one is completely new territory for you and your partner. Once you feel like you are finally getting a handle on a routine they go through a whole different stage, things alter again and you feel like you are back at square one. Parenthood is constantly evolving.
When you have a baby, you can’t just decide to up and go whenever you want. Spontaneity is a thing of the past. Now is just not the time. You have to consider their schedule. Get them ready to leave the house. Pack a million snacks, change of clothes, wipes etc. If you are leaving them behind, who is able to watch them and what you need to leave prepared for them. When you have a baby, you have to make an effort to make that time for yourself or for you and your partner! There has to be some sort of a plan and focused effort. It’s not just part of your routine for you to do basic things like shower whenever you want to. If you have the energy to even do it!
Overall, having one baby is hard, but it’s still manageable especially if you have a partner. Two of you, one baby. Assuming there are 2 partners and not a single parent - huge kudos to those that are!
This is definitely an adjustment period and constant little readjustments as they reach different phases. Having the one is manageable, but being a parent never comes easy. No matter the number.
1 >2
I honestly believe this transition is harder than 0>1. At least in my experience. In this case, assuming there are 2 parents, there are two of you and two children. You must divide and conquer! Which is the theme of having multiples especially when they are in completely different phases such as baby vs toddler.
If you are a single parent or whenever the other parent is not around, you are outnumbered! And hence where it can get tricky. It’s all on you! And having some sort of a system and routine can be huge helpers in this conquest. Also realizing that not everything can get done, is something you must learn to accept and something I still struggle with as a mom of multiples. Sometimes the cleaning, the laundry, the organizing has to go on the back burner. Which is hard especially when this kind of order can help with maintaining the overall sense of order. If you know, you know! If one parent is working more than the other or not as home as much as the other, it can be overwhelming at times to say the least. The default parent must carry a lot of the burden of watching multiples at home more often while the other parent comes home to a stressed out default parent and they need to deal with it!
When you thought you didn’t have much time before for yourself..wait till you have more than one kid. There are NO breaks especially when they are young (talking about the first 5 years). There is no time. You have to make the time for yourself. Literally. Date nights, nights to get out of the house by yourself. With one you can divy up the duties. You take turns attending to the baby. One person can walk away if they need to. With two there is not that freedom.
When they are 2 to leave your partner behind with - it’s a lot to say the least and not fair to always leave your partner to watch both kids often. You start to save up those ‘times out’ for things you actually want to go to or for special occasions. To leave your partner behind with all kids just to grab a drink with a friend for no reason with someone you see on a regular basis isn’t really fair.
It also depends on the age seperation. How difficult this transition can be can highly depend on this age gap. If you have a toddler and a baby (2 young kids) it will be especially challenging those first few years. These youngins have 2 seperate set of needs. The general rule of thumb when watching both of them on your own is attend to the older child’s needs. For example set them up with an activity, snack, tv, bathroom break..whatever it is and then attend to babies’ needs. Baby is okay to cry for a couple minutes. They won’t be scared trust me, they are just reacting and they are not having all these internalized emotions when you don’t attend to them immediately. However the older sibling may get jealous or more upset seeing that you are picking the baby over them. And that’s not to say you can’t sometimes pick the baby. Sometimes you can explain to the older sibling that ‘I need to finish feeding baby and then I will get this or that’ for you. Also a good time to start fine tuning your multi-tasking skills! No one knows better how to multi-task than a mother. You will be surprised at how good you get at holding a baby while doing..well everything!
I had a 2 year age gap for my first two kids (1 year, 10.5 months). Not going to lie, the first few years were soooo hard! It’s an adjustment to learn how to juggle multiple, get into a better routine and find the balance of getting stuff done while attending to your children’s needs. And you will never get it right completely, but it does get more manageable. It’s a juggling act. And any spare time is taken up especially in those early years when they both need a lot of hands on assistance. However, that being said, it was also very rewarding having the 2 kids so close in age when they are older because of how close their bond is and how easily they can play with each other now. Even if they have such different personalities and there is fighting you have to contend with, the bond is there and it is so sweet to witness those moments together even at that young age. You just have to put that work in especially at the beginning!
When you have multiple you are really committing to parenthood, parent mode, doing things as a family etc. When they is just one child there is still more freedom, you can easily divide and conquer and take turns on outings. You can still keep a lot of those independent aspects of your life, travel, excessive work etc. When there are more babies, it gets trickier to maintain that lifestyle.
Having multiples is a Lifestyle Choice.
You are essentially choosing a lifestyle that is geared towards more family oriented activities, focusing on your family whenever you have free time, doing family activities on weekends and eventually extracurriculars on weekdays. This life just gets busy when you didn’t think it could get any busier. And as your kids grow older, it evolves into a different kind of ‘busy’.
It’s funny when you do have someone watching one of the kids or just have an outing with one of them, you realize how easy it was having just the one. It is quite peaceful. Even if in that moment, the one kid seemed hard in the past. That’s is when you know, you are embracing parenthood life.
